She just wants to see the world.

To get her undergrad loans paid off so she can save up some money

And buy a ticket to Peru. Then to India and Greece and Norway.

Then anywhere and everywhere.

 

She wants to meet interesting people and see beautiful things.

She just wants to make a new space for herself.

Somewhere she can feel healthy and happy.

Somewhere far from home.

She wants to get her master’s degree

And settle down in a small-but-not-too-small town.

She wants a superstore within a five-mile radius.

She just wants two kids. In high school it was six,

But two kids are just as fine and give her more time for herself.

 

She wants to find love and some sense of peace.

To go to sleep at night without trying to remember

The last time she called her mom.

Without counting the number of screened calls

From her clueless sister and narcissistic brother.

To shut her eyes and not see how things somehow

Got even worse when she left.

To lie in bed without wondering

How she might’ve helped them had she stayed close by.

What she might’ve done for them.

She just wants no regrets.

 

She just wants to be there.

To pick up where she left off.

She wants to work. Anywhere and everywhere.

So she can pay her mom’s water bill

And fill the fridge with food and the car with gas.

 

She wants to provide a stable routine for them.

To help them with their homework and bring up their grades.

To teach the boys how to respect women

And the girls to demand respect.

To encourage them and love them until they start to love themselves.

She wants to be there around the thirteen-year mark

When they realize what a cruel hand they’ve been dealt.

She wants to be there to help them through that.

To seem them heal. To know that they felt safe

And supported because of her presence.

 

She just wants to lie in bed

And know that she did everything that she could for them.

To not notice the empty space beside her

Or imagine what it would’ve been like to have kids of her own.

Or wish she didn’t only see beautiful places

And interesting people behind closed lids.

To not wonder what her life might’ve been.

What she might’ve done for herself.

She just wants no regrets.