“Before 1975, she continues, “any child could be deemed ineducable and simply excluded from school and society.”

She pauses to consider the aspiring civil rights lawyers sitting around the table in her gaze. There are days when I feel I have never left that table. I feel I am a survivor of a traumatized past that I will never be able to identify—unsafe in a way that has no shape.

Ever since I got back from Berkley, I have been searching for ineducable children. In law dictionaries, in amicus briefs, on street corners. Even my thesis “at the intersection of identity, children’s rights and bioethics” was a futile search for evidence that someone had tried to help them. I exhausted LexisNexis and ordered books from Europe. Anywhere but inside me. It did not work, I did not find them. I have taken so many revisionist history classes trying to understand what to do with silence. Children who are gone. Children who do not know their own history.

I want to see monuments erected in their honor. I do not want to have to be the one to build them anymore.