It was her nature to connect with others, to strike up conversations, to find commonalities
with people no matter their background. It was an attitude her parents taught her, an adaptability
some would argue is an obvious trait, given her mixedness. She never chose sides, defying that
typical confusion, but she encountered, embraced, and grappled with complexity anyway.
It was her nature to accept fluidity, to contradict herself and to change her mind. But she
turned to a routine of justification, a defensive habit of legitimizing every attempt to belong.
Striving for legitimacy became a pattern even as she willingly, actively, and vocally crossed
borders and challenged stereotypes. It turned into a fight for something beyond her own identity.
Crossing back and forth over the dotted line — the one that kept truths of herself separated
from other, equally real truths of herself — was an activity that made her exhausted. She
constantly defined for herself and for others why the duality in her life was important,
which she did even when it didn’t need to be explained. She sought a moment when that
dotted line finally dissolved completely and the hybridity of her experiences became fully
at peace. She couldn’t abandon her craving for authenticity, and she knew it probably
would never be satiated.